pieces of me... pt 1

Hm... i'm back... its been so long since i'm talking to myself again... well you can kinda say i'm thinking too much again... must be the aftermath of being on the list of current rejections.... ah... the word is like spinning round and round in my head... over and over agian i've een telling myself... its ok, you'll get other chances... hm.. wonder when i'll stop lying to myself ad face back into reality?... stop lying to myself eh... some sort of new policy i see... would it work on me... maybe for a couple of times... then its my turn to be the one loosing my sanity over the pettiness of life... even the smallest itsy bitsy tiny family problem i'll shut the door and blast my speakers till my dad had to come in and politely ask me to slow it down already... yeh like i'm going to listen... yeh in fact i did but later on i slowly increased the volume till i can hear me and my radio at the same time doing my assignments... hey the music works alright... i can concentrate better, without all the noise my sisters make and the tv in the other room hollowing through my cement walls....

My head has been telling me to stay intact.. ad not loose what i've got in life... some times... i really just wanna do what i like... regardless of what happen around me... i just feel like taking my katana and start ripping bodies apart... now wouldn't that be nice,.... yeah i know it sound not me.. but really... its the part of me that wants to see things die in a painfull way... hah... enough of that... sometime when you feel sad or in anger within yourself.... it feels like you want to see blood on your hands of another human... who dared challenge your anger and hate... i wouldn't call it depression... for me.. i call it rage... when anger gets out of control... people think its juat a waste of time... buti don't wanna think about all this things... its all to big to remember... alas... i need to fill an empty space inside me... which i can't do with anything physical... all i need... is some to understand me well... well enough some already know what i mean... but ther's a bigger story to my little chapter...