Session 141 - The Temple of Lies

With the DM gone, a hero rises!Henry! Running for the first time! It brings a tear to my eye.

I wasn't there of course, so I'll leave this to the witnesses -

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The Temple of Lies

SNAKE ATTACK!

-Fledgling Steward’s Cabinet stamps down PERSONALLY on obscene snake cult-

The Steward of Moondin, Rake Hacker, and his cabinet conducted a morning raid on the Temple of Lies this morning. Just hours after his promotion to stewardship and subsequent public holiday, the hero of Moondin and fellow cabinet members Zena, Raaf Van Held, POWERLAD, Nix Neckbiter and Carrie Moleste assaulted the cult’s headquarters, which had been disguised as an alterket den in the slums.

 Local residents reported commotion around 10:30 am LST, as a bouncer posing as city guard and a vagrant were detained. Further arrests are believed to have been made inside.“I’m pleased to say that the Temple of Lies has fibbed its last this morning,” Rake Hacker said. “This was a top secret strike operation that required intervention from the very top.

 “This city’s on a one-way ticket to JUSTICE.”

 The scene and its environs remain on lockdown following the incident. Guardsmen present at the scene reminded the Moondin Trumpet that any buildings used for illegal means can be seized by the City.

 -Analysis-

Fredegar Tokeby, Political correspondent- The Steward’s lightning-fast action on the Snake Cult has been met with seemingly universal praise, but in the offices of the City Guard, the atmosphere is not so jubilant. The Steward’s mission ventured into an area that the City Guard had previously refused to police at all, and the posing of a cultist bouncer as a City Guard has also raised concerns about the Guard’s internal security and the identity of its officers.

 At the centre of the storm assailing the City Guard barracks today is Raaf Van Held. Swept from a lowly position to Captaincy within a matter of hours following Rake’s rapid rise to power last week, Van Held’s appointment was, in itself, sound. The City Guard is severely under strength following the Arena attack, and familial connections with Hacker make for a secure alliance. Yet Raaf’s actions during the incident - assaulting a  lingering at the back of the incident, have been claimed by some to be symptomatic of the cancer that grows within the City Guard.

 Van Held himself was unavailable to comment as he was “quite unwell”, Rake Hacker has confirmed.

 “Raaf is a cousin of mine and I know he is as passionate about the city as any guardsman. But the structure of the Guard requires a lot of work. It's no surprise to anyone that Moondin’s City Guard needs a considerable overhaul. Our long-term strategy will see the guard modernised into two separate forces: a militia led by an elected sargeant, and a mobile fighting-force that can administer justice as effectively as we did today.”

ALSO in today's issue:
- Spore to love? Dating a mould person
- Arena Grande: Your guide to music and carousing events in Moondin Arena, the city’s newest hipster haunt
- How to tell if there are elves secretly living in your home and dancing whilst you sleep

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Session 141 - The Temple of Lies

Campaign Date:
Saturday, 21 June, 1660
Moon Phase: First Quarter
Zodiac: Gemini

Enemies Defeated:
- 1 beggar knocked out (25 xp)
- 1 guard drowned in shit (50 xp)
- 1 junkie (25 xp)
- 5 clerks (250xp)
- 3 guards not drowned in shit (150 xp)
- 4 nuns (100 xp)
- 1 snake demon (50xp)
- 1 big snake (50xp)
- 1 snake priest (50xp)
Total: 750 xp

Treasure and Equipment:
514 sp
2 hammers (5 sp)
2 silk and bronze armour (counts as mail) (200sp)
4 sets silver chains (180sp)
2 bottles wine (10sp)
1 heirloom ring (50sp)
Alterket (250sp)
4 Venom vials – can be used to add D8 poison dmg
Dyed green rope (?)
Copper snake collar (?)
Silver tea set (25sp)
Goldenserpent dagger (500sp)
Pair of sofas (didn’t eat anyone) (75 sp)
Gold medallion
Magic bone flute (5sp)
Total:1814 sp

Exploration:
- First party to clear the Temple of Lies (200xp)
Total: 200 exp

Events:
- Party are enjoying a communal breakfast, when a tiny Blue John rushes in and demands they follow (50x)
- Party rushes after him leading them to an alleyway in a bad part of town (50xp)
- Rake asks a nearby guard about the kidnapping, to no avail (50 xp)
- Zena gives silver to some beggars, one nearly helps but is silenced by another (50xp)
- Frustrated Raaf threatens the silencing beggar with a knife to the throat. (50xp)
 - The beggar flings a knife at Raaf but misses, the guard uses the distraction to hit Rake, but the blow bounces off his mighty armour (50 xp)
- Raaf attempts to restrain the beggar, but instead falls over knocking Carrie down with him (50xp)
-Carrie picks up Raaf by the scruff of the neck and tells him off (50xp)
- Someone restrains the beggar, and Rake restrains the guard and apologises for the party actions (50 xp)
- Pointless questions and pointless lies (50 xp)
(PC: What’s through that door
NPC: what door?
Player: There’s a door there right?
DM: yup
PC: Ok, whats through that door
NPC: what door?)
-Guard tries to use their lack of suspicion to sneak attack, but is knocked out and his key taken. Rake carries him inside temple (50xp)
- Party tries investigating the conscious beggars, one holds out his begging bowl. Rake misunderstands the gesture and steals 3 sp (50 xp)
-Local populace are mad at these intruders and someone empties a chamber pot on Rake (50 xp)
- Party rushes inside. Rake: “I hope this mould spreads here” (50 xp)
- Inside Ket den Rake and Raaf have an embarrassing family wrestle over whether to steal a cheap candelabra (50xp)
- Cloaks and shoes are inspected. Some loose change, and far more clothing than the size of the building justifies hmmm (50 xp)
- Next room is full of sleeping junkies, Rake interrogates one and is attacked. Rake Knocks him out, and takes an heirloom signet ring (50xp)
-Toilet is briefly investigated, but no one needs to go. (50xp)
- Moving on find 5 clerks counting takings under a guards watchful eyes. More pointless questions and lies (50xp)
- Rake slaps guard, then cleaves through 3 clerks and the guard, Raaf pistol butt cleaves through other 2 clerks (50 xp)
- Find 500 sp and 5 doses of AlterKet. Sweet loot! (50xp)
- Store room is looted for wine, apples and silver tea service (50xp)
- VIP room: Party rescue a slave chain to a wall, and chain a passed out aristocrat to the wall instead. Then try and wake him, turns out he’s dead. Strip him and give clothes to slave. (50 xp)
- Some party interrogate slave , more pointless questions and lie. Other shift sofas to entry way (50xp)
- Party goes back to toilet. A junkie stumbles in after them and tries to use a glory hole. Bad move, he gets a free dick piercing, which he can’t feel (for now) (50xp).
- After some experimentation spot a ledge down the toilet shaft (50xp)
- Rake uses a rope to lower himself to the ledge, but has no light “I can’t see shit” . While climbing down he nearly drops the guard into the cess pit, then decides to just do it. Poor guard!(50 xp)
- Runes are cast and climbing gear found. It makes a bridge to the den. Party except Raaf follows, Raaf stays with slave (50 xp)
- Next room has a huge crystal archway, that makes a dong when touched. (50 xp)
- Powerlad flies up for a closer look and spots two hammers suspended by thread connected to the next door (50xp)
- He disarms the trap (50xp)
- Raaf is asking some pretty searching questions to the slave. Gets lies and tears in response (50 xp)
- Another store room, containing a barely concealed sarcophagus. Rake opens it up to reveal a terrifying snake-woman-demon (50xp)
- Rake stabs it, then Powerlad flies in and magic missile punches it back to hell. The corpse is skinned (leather armour but with a cool snakeskin pattern) (50xp)
- Slave uses “look over there” to try and sneak attack Raaf. Misses, and pretends it was an accident. Raaf goes along with it. (50xp)
- Party wonders in a dormitory filled with Nuns with poison whips. The lashes bounce of Rakes armour though, and he cleaves through them without many problems (50xp)
- Party take their (very flimsy) “armour” (+1 vs magic, counts as unarmoured), Carrie likes the poison whips and takes one ( 50xp)
- Raaf starts asking the slave about religion. More pointless lies and tears. (50xp)
- Party pushes on and finds a room FULL of writhing snacks surrounding a platform with a treasure cage (50xp)
- Powerlad flies over to the cage, but its locked! Gets thrown a piece of jerky to use as lockpick. (I would never allow this but SOMEONE gave precedent ಠ_ಠ )(50xp)
- Rake grabs a snake for some reason… Gets bit and nearly dies (50xp)
- Powerlad steals the temple treasures and flies back. Touching down the spell wears off (50xp)

- Raaf askes more questions, gets more tears and lies (50xp)
- Pushing on they stumble into two temple guards who unleashes a mighty volley of broken pottery at Nix, Rake and Carrie. (50xp)
- Powerlad throws the hammers form the trap at one smashes his skull in. Nix makes short work of the other (50xp).
- Finally they find everyone’s best friend, the most handsome and wise Wizard Blue John. He’s being constricted by a huge snake (50xp)
- Rake gambits on a headshot and fails spectacularly. Gets paralysed for his trouble (50xp)
- Carrie makes desperate lunge for Blue John and fall over (50 xp)
- Powerlad swoops in for a dragon punch and the snake flees to the bottom of a pool, releasing Blue John (everyone is very relieved) (50xp)
- Blue john stops sputtering long enough to point them to the high priest. Boss fight! (50 xp)
- The priest sees our adventurers and starts casting. Rake gambits throwing a 2 hand ace and succeeds! It stick out the proest and chaos in unleased.
- Spell has maximised effects! Priest is now protected from evil.
- but not from axes and crossbows. A flung axe from Nix, and a crossbow bolt from Powerlad finish him off.
- Blue john rescued, boss defeated, map explored module over right? No. (50xp)
- Rake finds a flute and wants to play it immediately. It sounds awful, a slithering is heard from the corridor.
- Powerlad also tries to play it, and also sounds terrible. He is then grappled by a very enraged snake! (50xp)
- Rake tries playing the flute again. He can’t play the flute. The enraged snake fractures Powerlads bones.
- Powerlad uses his muscle wizard strength to escape the wrestle, and the snake runs again. Phew! (50xp)
-Carrie heals Powerlads wounds and the party leave (50 xp)
Total: 2800 xp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Annihalator bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Breakfast bonus (50 exp)
- Infamy bonus (50 exp)
- Internecine Strife bonus (50 exp))
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp))
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Riddlemaster bonus (50 exp)
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)
- Social Justice Warrior bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Trap disarmer bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- What the Fuck Guy bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1000 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)
- Caller (James / Raaf - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / Powerlad - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles*2, Tom - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles*2 - 100 exp)
- Snack bringer – Kitty, Charles, Fraser (100 xp each)

Rumours:- "SNEK"

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Powerlad some fractured bones, healed.

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 5 Barbarian: 27482 (Level up at 32000)
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 5 Fighter: 23850 (Level up at 32000)
- Henry / Blue Jon Goujon, Level 5 Magic-User: 23358 (Level up at 36000)
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 22787 (Level up at 36000)
- Charles / Zena, Level 5 Fighter: 18922 (Level up at 32000)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 4 Specialist: 9654 (Level up at 12000)

- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 9293 (Level up at 16000)

Absent or Retired:- Ollie / Ollie's next character: +300 exp
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 17372 (Level up at 18000)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)